I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
