I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
