the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
