Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
zippers are such a cool invention
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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