The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
