I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
