I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
