Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
