And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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