I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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