i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
