LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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