Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
