next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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