He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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