Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
