I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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