I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
