R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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