either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
operation harelip BJ is a go
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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