I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think my vagina is haunted
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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