It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
