Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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