he thought i was a dude.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
