Everything about him screamed your future.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
