you have to choose: penises or morals?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
