There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
