About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
