Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
