Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
