yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
