A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
