he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
if only i could text you this smell
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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