time to smoke my breakfast
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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