Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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