There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
