Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
