i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
