it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
