as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
