I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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