We're like a lot better than the average bears
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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