Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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