i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
