I look better un-naked...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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