he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
