I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
