Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He felt like a one man threesome
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
