If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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