I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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