a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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