she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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