eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
