Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
