I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
